Fantasies of Me

“If I didn’t define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other people’s fantasies for me and eaten alive.” ~ Audre Lorde

Thinking about this quote today and wrote a quick poem…

fantasies of me

don’t come close to my reality.

in truth

perception is a mere

façade

of forced presentation

as i am the most fearful person

i know.

a contradiction of sorts

living boldly

and cowering under

the pressure to

conform.

 

as fantasies of me

don’t come close to my reality.

in truth

i want to streak

through crowds

but there’s

judgment…waiting

to eat me alive.

so i’m covered

layered

cloaked

hidden

in the fantasies

and they, too, eat me

dead.

killing spirit

inciting insanity

panic

and attacks.

 

and facing extinction,

i decide

fantasies of me

are no match

for my lived reality.

with its pained existence

hurdles, scrapes and burns

heartache and break

and tears from

disappointment and mistakes

those fantasies

of perfection

ain’t got shyt on my reality

my truth

the tree that

kicked through

the concrete.

damn those fantasies

i

define

me.